we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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