...so i touched it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
