She is in my trunk
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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