you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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