Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
