I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
