He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
there is puke in my bra ... again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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