If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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