So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
