I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
