You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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