I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
