and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wish my penis had a tongue
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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