I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
