Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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