covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize