You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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