In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
