You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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