would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
