i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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