I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
