There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
