never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
