I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
