Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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