just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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