man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
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