I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
