Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
True strength comes from lack of pants
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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