I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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