I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
