Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
