Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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