Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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