in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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