Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize