I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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