How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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