Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
