I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
