you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
