You smell like stripper and shame
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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