so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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