Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
