R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
