please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
