I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
