Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
