im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
