apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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