dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
