In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
