How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize