There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
