I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
