And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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