double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
