Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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