My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
