My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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