I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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