I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
