He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
