okay pat passed out under dana's car
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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