I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
