Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
