i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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