I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
