Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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