Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
