How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
