I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
