I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize