This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
