so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
