u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
