Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
