OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
