Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i think i just lost a toe
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
