dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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