he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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