Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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