gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm really busy with my period
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