Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
