Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
