i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
