Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
