i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
