Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
