no, he came in my armpit
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
