Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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