i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
