So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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