dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
