Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
