I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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