ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
