We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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