I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize