I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
meet me or not, i'm out of control
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
