i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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