You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
