haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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