Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
