p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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