He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
