I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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