worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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