well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
