Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
