He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
